Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
