you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
