Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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