Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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