He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
