I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
