I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
