I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
