I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
