Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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