I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
