12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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