Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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