What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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