will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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