my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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