I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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