Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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