dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize