Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
