Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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