Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
