I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
