someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize