I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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