Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
