She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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