My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
