While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
