For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
