His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Alive.
So much puke
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
