My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
