Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
