It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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