There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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