Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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