I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
farters have to be the big spoon...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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