dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
