I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
