She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
