My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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