It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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