Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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