you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
