Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
