I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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