but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
