there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
