I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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