Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
