dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
