It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
