so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
