You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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