she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
