He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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