I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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