I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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