Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
