It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
