The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
