Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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