I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
