the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he fucked my hip out of place.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
