the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
