quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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