Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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