pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
