just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
