I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
