i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
