I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize