i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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