So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
