Plan B is the new Plan A
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
