I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize