Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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