i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
