I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
