Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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