My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All the doctor said was why
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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