shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
