I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
