i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
