Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
