My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
