Do you still have your period?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
