Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
