HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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