In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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